Love

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I was sure that I was going to write to you this week about how I think I am addicted to the adrenaline of the unknown and the puzzle of figuring things out in my business and maybe even my life. We saw Mario Galaxy in the movies on Saturday for Zadie’s birthday and as Mario and Luigi were trying to save Princess Peach and ultimately her sister, something in me connected with the race against the clock and the obstacles anyone faces when playing a video game.

But, instead of reflecting more on this idea that is definitely worth a therapeutic conversation with a professional, I’d love to chat more about the message I got yesterday at church that convicted me in all of the not so great feelings I was having as I was hosting Zadie’s birthday party on Saturday.

Image: Zadie and I walking to the store on Lenox to scoop ice cream for her classroom birthday party on Friday.

I don’t know about you, but I am 100% perimenopausal. What this means for me is more moodiness, irritability, and less patience with humanity especially before my period. Is this an overshare? Possibly, but it’s natural and we as a society are talking more about perimenopause so I’m following the trend.

Saturday’s party hosting was supposed to be easy but turned out to be more difficult than I anticipated managing the needs of each child in attendance in a dark movie theater around dinner time. I’ll spare you the details but by the time we left the theater and grabbed bubble tea after, I was ready to send every child and their parents away (including my own) and go to bed. My carriage had effectively turned into a pumpkin while I was actively questioning folks’ parenting styles. When we got home and our kids had finally gone to bed after Zadie opened the last of her gifts, I told Nick how annoyed I was and that I was starting to not like people at large. He looked at me and said, “That’s new for you.”

Images: from Zadie's boba tea "after party" All of the emoji-less faces are family in case you are wondering.

Having low patience and lack of understanding are not colors I often wear. So, yesterday’s message at church on Jesus’ compassion–what it looks like and how we embody it–could not have been better timed. Like, I needed to hear it because, baybee, the way I was feeling Saturday night and even into Sunday morning was not me.

During the service, my rage was quelled when I heard our pastor remind us that compassion and boundless love for our neighbors is an act that we give because we have already received it from Christ. I know how much was sacrificed for my existence and I was reminded of it yesterday morning when he talked about Biblical compassion–”a deep emotional empathy towards one’s suffering, that compels a self sacrificial action–modeling God’s mercy and love.” I was convicted by all of my feelings on Saturday because I was not being generous in my spirit. These children and their adults were on my nerves and I could not move past it. I was unable to find humility and compassion in the face of my own frailty. I was unable to connect to the concept that was shared yesterday–that loving people will cost you…time, convenience, money, or effort.

Image: Her wish for breakfast was fruit, donuts, and Starbies. 🙃 I added the turkey bacon.

Why am I sharing this? Well, you may not believe in Jesus or God, but I think there’s something beautiful in this message for all of us. When you love your neighbor as yourself, the world becomes a little better. When you tether yourself to the concept of the unconditional and abundant love Christ modeled for us, you have a well to drink from and a mirror to help reflect back how we show up for each other. I’m also aware that under the circumstances–pulling off a nighttime movie theater birthday party with 10 kids while feeling especially hormonal was like playing a video game with one life left. So, I am giving myself the same compassion that I strive to give others but I am also reminded of the wellspring to call on when I am feeling particularly parched of patience.

Petrushka Bazin Larsen

Your Local Ice Cream Lady/Business & Life Coach