Cadence
If you have a car in the city, you’re no stranger to alternate side parking. If you park your car on the street on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, chances are you will need to move it to the other side of the street on alternating days so the street cleaner can clean the carless side of the street. In Harlem, we don’t move the car away; we double park on the opposite side of the street, wait for the street cleaner to pass, move the car back and wait for the alternate side parking window to end. If you’re feeling risky, you wait for the meter maids to give tickets and then you leave before the window has ended to attend to the rest of your life. But you need to know the rhythm of your street to know what to do.
Image: Ila and I ran into a new friend as we were walking to 125th to collect provisions for her meet in Iowa. If you’re present and looking people in the eyes when you’re walking in Harlem, you will inevitably run into someone you know while doing routine errands. This is the cadence of living in this beautiful neighborhood.
Last week, I was crunched for time during the alternate side parking window. In my part of Harlem, our window for moving cars is usually 8:30am to 10am. It was 9:30am and the cars had already moved back to the other side of the street. I wasn’t sure if the street cleaner had passed, but then I saw the wet swooping streak that the street cleaner vehicle makes around a car that did not move in time. I really didn’t have 30 extra minutes to wait with the car, so I took a chance and left.
As I walked back to the desk in my home office, a man stopped me to ask if it was really ok to leave the car before 10am. I asked if he was new to the neighborhood. He said he was visiting. I told him I was taking a chance by leaving mine and cautioned him against leaving unless parking tickets had been distributed. He confirmed that they had, which gave me the assurance I needed to know that my decision was a calculated risk, and not completely foolish.
I know the cadence of my neighborhood, the tells of actions I did not witness and the events that could follow from these subtle hints.
Image: I got to meet the Mike (next to me), the founder and owner of MRC Design (the company responsible for our rebrand), his brother (far left) and his friend (second from left) who happens to be a former cartoonist for MAD Magazine. May through July would not have afforded me anytime for this spontaneous visit!
We found the Sugar Hill Creamery on Lenox Ave using the same instinct. We had been looking for a storefront. One morning walking past 184 Lenox Ave, we noticed the metal security gate was still down. It was normally up by the point in the day that we were passing by. That day, we realized it had been shuttered for a few days that week. This prompted an inquiry to our broker to see if the space was available. She got back to us pretty quickly to say that it was and if we could get our materials together by Friday of that week, the space could probably be ours because they would otherwise be listing it that following Monday.
Knowing the tick of how things flowed in our neighborhood resulted in finding the first home for Sugar Hill Creamery nine years ago.
When I used to more regularly facilitate SHMOMS, the Sugar Hill Creamery New Moms Group, one of the topics we used to discuss was routines versus rhythms. When you have a baby, your life often becomes more regimented, ordering itself around the needs of the baby. You rush back home instead of continuing the walk with a newfound mom friend so that you can get your baby to sleep for naptime. You enact a bedtime routine at night to signal and induce sleep because what is more important in any home where a new baby lives than sleep? Sleep becomes the catalyst for the routine but using it as the mechanism for structure can actually result in sleep deprivation and stripped joy for the parent.
Image: Our most recent SHMOM cohort at their last session. Kathleen, who has been facilitating the group for the last three years was a participant again because she delivered her second baby.
Babies thrive on routine; it establishes trust for them as they become acclimated to this big new world. But routines can feel too prescriptive and stifling for some. Instead of leaning into the routine aspects of parenting, I encouraged the SHMOMS to look at the rhythms of the day as guides for structure. In this case, instead of putting the child on a strict 11am naptime, looking for their sleeping cues and making them comfortable wherever they are to sleep would be an example of ordering one’s life around a rhythm. I learned this by the time my second child arrived. She and her younger brother are way more flexible about how and where they sleep than their sister whose early life was very structured and hinged on a strict routine.
Rhythms, like cadence, use cues to initiate other actions. They allow for a more natural and intuitive call and response that, if you’re paying attention, can open doors to new possibilities, solve problems, and make life a little easier.
We saw this in 2020 when all normal rhythms ended and we had to quickly pivot to the new normal, which resulted in us launching our weekly ice cream subscription program that required us to drive ice cream to subscribers. We weren’t sure if anyone would come outside again, but we were sure that people, especially during stressful times, would still want ice cream. That program and our walk-up window saved us. And that walk-up window quickly became a part of so many people’s daily and weekly walking rhythms–leave for a masked walk, grab a scoop, and pretend like the world was normal for but a moment.
Images: Pictures from May 2020 -- Nick spray painting line markers for where people should stand in line and screengrabs of our minivan travels on ice cream subscription delivery days
We use the cadence of the weather and the trends in ice cream consumption over the course of the year to plan our lives. The data from the previous months predicts our future.
But what I’m realizing is that I am very dialed into external rhythms–those of my neighborhood, my family, and even my business, and not my own internal needs. Now that National Ice Cream Day is behind us, we are preparing for the fall and winter and I am trying to quiet myself to notice the cadence of my inner life.
What about the trends in our feelings? August is here and I can feel it. Anxiety for the winter, the exhaustion of having insane back-to-back days of task-switching for three and a half months, and the relief that the month is quieter are how I’m feeling. I can tell by the airiness of many August days in my Google calendar from this year and last. There’s work to do, but my body isn’t divided into multiple places at this time of year.
As I catch my breath this month, I’m reflecting on the fact that Wednesday, July 29th was our ninth anniversary and I forgot until my mom reminded me that morning. Clearly I’m not keyed into the rhythm of my own life. And, I think I’ve been missing the feeling of having my finger on my own pulse for the last several weeks. It’s hard to recognize the cadence of your own life and feelings when you’re in a constant state of GO. So, I’m going to spend August doing some emotional, mental, business, and actual housekeeping to reveal the rhythms of my life that I haven’t been able to notice. Winter is coming (all puns intended) and so is our 10th anniversary and I want to be ready for both.
Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach