13

Earlier this month, our eldest child Ila turned 13, and it’s been bittersweet. For weeks, my sister has been asking about our plans to celebrate. Big celebrations and material gifts are not my strength. I do it, but it’s definitely a chore. Because I typically throw at least three birthday parties a year—one for each child and their classmates plus friends from outside of school—I told Ila a couple of years ago that her large party days had ended. Instead, we would pare down to celebrations with one to three friends.

Nick and I with Ila who was just a week or two old.

This is how we’ve been celebrating since, but this year it didn’t feel quite complete. Thirteen is a milestone age. In Jewish culture, it’s marked with a bar mitzvah. There is a grooming and readying that happens before the child makes their public profession of faith. Between the ceremony and celebration, being a parent to this child feels quite momentous.

But our family does not have these traditions. Thirteen is just 13. For me, it’s been a reflection on how our little bean of a baby with big eyes—who rocked my world when she arrived and made me question if I had made the right decision to become a mother—grew into this beautiful, bright, diligent, thoughtful young woman full of personality and interests.

Figuring out how to honor her and the person she has become has been challenging. This time of year, I feel particularly overwhelmed with birthdays in our immediate and extended family, the holidays, and keeping up with all the promotions and marketing that we small business owners (especially seasonal operators) have to do to close out the year strong. Feeling the pressure to celebrate her the way she wanted to be celebrated weighed heavily on my mind. I couldn’t think of the perfect gift or experience. We also couldn’t celebrate with her friends on the weekend following her birthday because she was competing out of state at a cross-country meet. So, I decided that each day from her birthday to today would be a celebration. Each day, she would unwrap a gift that responded to her interests or wants.

Ila a couple of days before her 13th birthday.

Today’s finale gift was a set of tickets to see Stranger Things on Broadway. Do you watch the show? Watching it is not at all a prerequisite for seeing it on Broadway. I wasn’t a fan of the show before deciding to buy tickets. But I had heard it was BRILLIANT. From the set design and tech they used to the acting, I felt like this would be the perfect gift to usher in a new chapter of maturity, sophistication, luxury, and artistic excellence. But boy, was I wrong.

Last night, as we were driving home from my mom’s house, I had a feeling I had made a bad decision with this gift. I started to think that it was a terrible idea. Stranger Things is not quite Ila’s form of entertainment, and I was right.

She hated it.

But she was grateful for the experience and for the opportunity to spend time with a couple of her friends. I, on the other hand, feel terrible. I failed the mission to celebrate her life in a way she will remember fondly. Neither one of us will ever forget this birthday, but I hope we’ll be able to laugh about it in the near future.

Has something like this ever happened to you? Share your story in the comments below.

With you,

Petrushka

Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach